| Maybe
it was the natural high which accompanies
us when we finally leave home for a foreign
land where no one knows us or the inescapable
BO smell emanating from my new roommate
in our dorm room, but on my first night
of college in Boston I felt compelled to
strip off myself completely and walk out
into the night.
The khaki GAP pants
and neatly ironed polo shirt were thrown
with disgust into the corner of our freshly
cleaned communal boys' bathroom. I stood
looking at the mirror seeing a skinny white
boy wearing only a pair of briefs with red
knobs for elbows and lines of faint hair
running from his nipples to his cavernous
navel. This was someone who could become
something very different from the groomed
middle class heterosexual he had been raised
to be. With a quick sweep of my hands, I
skinned myself of those bleach white Fruit
of the Looms. My body seemed to be breathing
for the first time as if I had just surfaced
from an underwater journey of too many minutes.
A green-yellow light bathed the room. If
I weren't on the second floor I really wonder
if I might have plunged through the dark
open window beside the mirrors and ran free
through the streets completely nude. Instead,
I opened up my backpack which I had stuffed
with black clothes purchased from the Salvation
Army before my parents drove me the two
hours to this city. I resolved to go without
underwear and pulled the dark pants up over
the naked lower half of my body. Next I
pulled out the black T-shirt and was about
to pull it on when I discovered the logo
for King Pin Bowling, a local bowling alley
of my hometown, that I hadn't noticed on
the shirt when I selected it. I tried to
scratch it out, but the tough ironed on
insignia stuck. A cool wind blew through
the window softening my enraged skin. I
swore, turned the shirt inside out and pulled
it over my head. Leaving a frayed open crack
at the neck, I tore off the stubborn little
plastic tag. The tell tale bulging lines
of sown cloth around the shoulders, neck
and sides that indicated a shirt is inside
out resembled healed scars to me. This wounded
appearance appealed to me. Then to finish
I scooped a handful of green gel to work
into my short hair. I tried my best to make
it look spiked and wild, yet effortlessly
sculpted at the same time. I looked at the
mirror and smiled at the image of this blank
slate. Then I left my dormitory to see the
city after the sun set.
I rode the T until I
got to Harvard Square. A friend of mine
I met at Summer camp lived all her life
in Boston and told me that the alternative
crowd hung out here. I don't know what shape
this "crowd" took in my mind except
for a vague band of comrades who were a
part of me like an unknown family. It wasn't
difficult to locate these people as they
huddled in groups around the sunken entrance
of the station. They wore black, torn and
patchwork clothes with a smattering of symbols
embossed on the fabric. Their hair was dyed
and their faces pierced. I had never seen
anyone so beautiful. Men in suits and politely
dressed women rushed past these conscientious
outsiders. I wasn't certain how to introduce
myself. It seemed that somehow I would be
absorbed into the throng of people just
by being present among them. They laughed
in their groups, casually laying against
each other intimately. I walked up to them
tentatively until I entered their field
of vision. A few gave me assessing glances
and then turned back to each other. One
girl with green spiked hair and a metal
bar through her nose rolled her eyes at
me and turned back to her friends giggling.
I stalked away in embarrassment. It seemed
strange that they would be so unwelcoming
to someone who wanted to be like them. But
then I reasoned that there was no reason
for them to be interested in me unless I
proved myself in some way to be interesting
enough. I bought a steaming cup of coffee
and wandered through the nearby streets
to think of how to accomplish this.
At the end of one street
I saw a banner above a movie theater that
read "Rocky Horror Picture Show."
There was a screening of it tonight. I had
heard about the notorious show before, but
never seen the movie. A group of people
similar to the ones around the station were
standing around the theater smoking cigarettes.
The throbbing red lights of the movie house
pulsed above them advertising the place
as if it were a sleazy sex shop. I approached
the counter and bought a ticket for that
evening's show. Then I found a convenient
store close by to purchase a packet of cigarettes
from. I had never smoked before. The streets
were bustling with people off to bars and
restaurants. Nervously walking amongst them,
I plucked a cigarette from the pack and
placed it between my lips. Finding a bare
patch of brick wall close to the theater
I squatted down and waited for midnight
to come when the movie would start. It was
surprisingly easy to smoke the cigarette.
You always read horror stories of people
coughing embarrassingly with their first
try. Instead, I tentatively lit it up and
gently sucked on the stick making it burn
orange-red at the tip. I was careful not
to inhale or I would have choked. Instead
I made gentle puffs imagining it looked
casual.
The crowd outside the
theater was growing. Eventually an alternative
couple came to sit a few feet away from
me although they paid me no attention at
all. One was a teenage guy with thick blue
spikes of hair and glinting thin chains
of metal that ran around the outside of
his dark clothing. The other was a teenage
Asian girl with short, unbrushed pink and
black hair whose long nails were painted
a startlingly bright red. I was thrilled
to hear their conversation. They discussed
a rave from the weekend before and dropped
names of various strangers like Bri, Kim
and Thaddeus. Between them they shared a
bottle of whisky taking deep swigs and then
passing it. I concentrated so hard on what
they were saying that I accidentally inhaled
on my cigarette and coughed loudly. After
gagging for several seconds, I finally gained
control of myself and tried to remain cool.
I realized that I had just fallen stupidly
into one of those first time smoking stories
I disdain. The couple were silent for a
moment and then the guy leaned close to
her whispering in a voice loud enough for
me to hear, "You sure look hot babe."
The girl giggled and shoved him away from
her. I couldn't help looking over at them
to watch this. Then she unexpectedly grabbed
the bottom of his T-shirt and pulled it
up to reveal his pierced navel. She stuck
her head down against his lean stomach and
made a farting sound by blowing on it. He
giggled and looked directly into my eyes.
I instantly averted my gaze. She sat up
and said, "Your belly button is filled
with lint and shit." They laughed and
made a deep tongue kiss.
I stood up quickly and
walked back to the convenience store for
a coke. The couple confused me and I was
jealous of their intimacy. It had grown
completely dark outside and the streetlamps
burned yellow circles into the sidewalks.
I decided to stay away from the theater
until the movie started so sat near some
bushes in a park close by. Thoughts of my
hometown ran through my mind, slipping through
my thoughts as a steady undercurrent to
this new person I'd become. My parents would
be terrified I was out this late in the
night in the dangerous city. I looked at
my watch almost constantly and was grateful
when the two hands finally stretched to
the top. I was afraid to open myself up
to embarrassment from showing how eagerly
I wanted friends again so I kept my head
down while walking into the theater. The
crowds of alternative kids bounced around
me, revved for the event. We were each searched
for bottles and things we could throw. A
big bald headed man felt my clothes all
over and I remained breathless while he
conducted his search. Then I was ushered
into the room where the screen was and took
one of the empty chairs. The crowd was rowdy,
screaming obscenities and laughing. It felt
wonderful to be part of such a lively atmosphere.
Then, to my utter surprise, the Asian girl
I had seen earlier jumped into the empty
seat beside me. She held up a brown paper
bag before my face and shook it. It sounded
like it was full of sand. "Rice,"
she said with a mischievous grin. I responded
with a confused expression. "For the
wedding," she sighed. Again, I looked
confused but said, "Oh right."
Her eyes sprung open wide and she nearly
shrieked, "You've never been here before?"
|
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My cheeks went pink and I shook my head
no. She leapt up from her seat and shouted
to the guy she had been sitting with earlier
who was still being searched, "Caz!
This guy's a virgin!" If I was pink
before, now my entire face felt burning
hot even to the tips of my ears. The guy
came dashing toward us, but before he reached
us she leaned over and whispered quickly
into my ear, "He's hot for you."
I was so startled by this last unexpected
statement I couldn't respond at all when
Caz leaped into the other empty seat beside
me and said, "Cool! You're going to
love this movie!"
The two started chatting
to each other for a couple moments discussing
who would be performing tonight. I felt
incredibly conspicuous between them but
nodded to what they said as if I understood
and as if we were already long-time friends.
The girl introduced herself as Rita. "It's
not my real name," she said leaning
close to my face. "But I love Rita
Hayworth!" I nodded wondering uncertainly
if I had seen anything with this old actress
in it. "So you two come here a lot?"
I asked, changing the subject. "Yeah,"
they laughed rolling their eyes. "Like
every weekend. Usually twice a weekend."
I smiled though I was baffled how they didn't
grow bored of the same movie over and over
and said, "Cool. I just moved here,
but I'm sure I'll come again." They
laughed but stopped when a thin man in drag
who was the Doctor Frank-N-Furter for the
evening took to the stage welcoming everyone.
The wild emotions were rocking so hard in
my head that I couldn't concentrate on what
he was saying. Finally I heard him shout
something about virgins and Caz and Rita
shouted, "We've got one here!"
Rita laid a small, warm hand on the inside
of my thigh and leaned close in to my face
again asking, "Are you ready to have
your cherry popped?" I didn't know
what she meant, but the couple ushered me
up to the stage where I was placed in a
line of three other uncertain looking people
who each had a red balloon wedged between
their thighs. The crowd cheered and a scarlet
spotlight cast wildly about us as we waited
to have our balloons popped one at a time.
I was shaking with fear but felt a fierce
sexual charge when the balloon between my
thighs exploded and a firm squeeze was given
to my ass. What was so exciting was the
uncertainty if the hand that grabbed me
belonged to Rita, Caz or Doctor Frank-N-Furter.
The movie passed in
a raucous flash. Actors piled on stage imitating
the actions of the screen in detail. Caz
and I each grabbed handfuls of rice to throw
violently at the curly brown haired girl
in the wedding garb who didn't resemble
Susan Sarandon at all. A vaguely muscular
man in shining gold shorts was oiled up
by the man in drag. During the orgy scene
finale the audience swayed amorously together
while Caz and Rita each planted wet kisses
upon my cheeks. We stumbled out of the theater
together laughing and simultaneously took
out cigarettes to light up. I took a large
puff from mine and Rita whispered nastily
to me, "You need any help smoking that,
tough guy?" My cheeks went pink again
remembering my earlier embarrassment when
eavesdropping upon them. Rita said, "We
were planning on sleeping at my mother's
house tonight, but she's a cunt and I'd
rather not deal with her shit tonight. You
got anywhere we could crash?" My voice
trembled uncertainly for a few seconds and
then said, "Sure. You can crash at
my dorm room." Caz and Rita smiled
at each other and wrapped their arms around
my waist.
We crept as quietly
as possible into my dark dorm room at 4
a.m. That is, I tripped over a still unpacked
suitcase, Caz cleared his throat conspicuously
and Rita giggled like a madwoman. My roommate
obviously slept like a log. Long saw buzz
snores sounded from his side of the room.
We all laughed at this. Through the dim
light I showed them my freshly made up twin
bed. My mother had insisted on making it
for me, tucking the sheets tightly around
the old mattress, before she left with my
father that morning. "This is all I
have," I explained to them. We stood
tensely for a moment looking at it, suddenly
silent. "Perfect," Rita whispered
and violently yanked back the covers. Caz
inched up behind me, standing so close that
our bodies lightly touched. Very slowly
he wrapped his arm around me and rested
his hand against my sweat-stained chest.
Rita sat comfortably on the bed and reached
her thin hand up to my neck saying, "Come
close." Her eager face stretched up
to meet mine and our silky lips effortless
connected. My roommate groaned in his slumber
and rolled over. Caz and Rita giggled, but
I was too petrified to laugh. Feelings of
danger and sexual excitement overwhelmed
me so that I couldn't distinguish between
the emotions. I moved out from between the
two of them and sat on the edge of the bed.
Caz stood uncertainly aside, but Rita didn't
hesitate in slinking up close to me again
with her insistent lips. They felt comforting.
I opened my mouth for her and our tongues
gently slid against each other. She drew
back and I realized that I was trembling
fiercely. Caz stepped in front of me and
ran his hands through my sticky gelled hair.
Rita looked up at Caz and said ruefully
to me, "Do you only want him?"
This question baffled me. I looked up at
Caz's deep blue eyes that I could barely
make out in the dimly lit room. The feeling
I had for him hadn't registered in my mind
as "want" until now. Turning to
look at Rita whose dark eyes looked like
glimmering shadows I answered, "I want
you both, but I'm just confused about what
this is." Caz laughed and pushed me
back on the bed. Without warning he lay
on top of me and started kissing me deeply.
The taste and sharp feeling of his metal
tongue piercing surprised me. The chains
wound about his clothing pressed roughly
against me. I felt under his shirt stiff
with dirt using one hand to feel the soft
flesh of his back. My other hand reached
out and felt for Rita who guided it to the
curves of her chest. The lump in Caz's pants
pressed against my leg. His hand caressed
my own aching erection through my pants.
Or maybe it was Rita's hand. Somehow Rita
had effortlessly slipped off her pants because
when my hand slid down the slight angles
of her body I felt the exposed tuft of pubic
hair that covered her soft lips. Meanwhile
my other hand slipped down to dig beneath
the waistband of Caz's pants to feel his
warm faintly hairy ass cheeks. Rita's breathing
sped up and she leaned close to my head.
With Caz's tongue flickering inside my mouth
she whispered in my ear, "Don't worry.
It's just us."
The next morning I woke
up in an uncomfortable lump with the two
strange bodies. My head ached and I was
thirsty for a sip of water. The bright red
numbers of my electric alarm clock read
10:48 a.m. I looked quickly over to my roommate's
side of the room to see his empty unmade
bed. "What must he think?" I wondered.
But this thought made me laugh instead of
frightened. I laughed so hard that Caz and
Rita woke up with an annoyed moan from being
disturbed. Our bodies were moist and had
stuck together. I pulled myself apart from
them and put on a pair of briefs. Caz turned
over facedown in an effort to resume his
slumber. His carefully spiked hair was matted
with sleep. Rita, on the other hand, leaned
against Caz and gazed up at me with a gleam
of humor in her eyes. The sight of them
was at once attractive and dreadful to me.
"I'm sorry," I said. "I have
to get to orientation." Immediately
this statement felt ridiculous to me. I
dressed as quickly as possible. "That's
cool," Rita said. "But would you
mind lending us twenty bucks... we're really
broke." I blinked and said, "Sure."
Quickly I searched through my clothes for
my wallet. I had to hide my shock when I
opened it and there was only a twenty-dollar
bill remaining. Last night I had stuffed
it with eighty dollars, just in case. It
didn't matter. I pulled it out and handed
it out to them. Caz immediately sat up and
took it murmuring, "Thanks dude. You're
cool." The sounds of mirthful students
steadily streaming by on the sidewalk below
sounded outside. The couple in my bed looked
around the room curiously. "You guys
should really..." I began nervously.
Rita instantly piped up, "That's ok.
We've gotta get going." Rita half pushed
the groggy Caz out of the bed. There were
several tattoos on their bodies of Japanese
characters and anarchy symbols. It occurred
to me my hands must have rubbed sensuously
over these ink marks the night before without
realizing they were there. I watched them
dress before me until they looked at me
funny for staring. I turned away in embarrassment.
Looking for something to do while they dressed,
I loosely pulled the covers over my bed
and noticed a heavy odor emitting from it.
It made me smile because I knew this was
the bed I had to sleep in from now on. |
