Phil Donahue means a lot to me, and not just because I'm a “pink-o liberal” as my dad would call me (he knows better to call me a Commie).

Sixteen years ago when I first met Phil Donahue, I was going to be on his show, and it would be a show that would change my life. It sparked a book, a relationship, a family, a calling to activism—and it could have affected my career.

So, when our mutual friend, the publicist and actor Mickey Cottrell, re-introduced us when we were at the Toronto International Film Festival, the famed liberal talk show host greeted me with the same strong handshake as he did just before I went on his show in New York City and told the world: "Mike Szymanski is coming out of another closet—he has a girlfriend, and he is bisexual!" The audience gasped, as did my family in Florida, and my co-workers in California.

But, Donahue also had a blank stare when he met me again. "I don't remember the show," said the 71-year-old talk show host unapologetically. "But then, I've done more than 6,000 shows." (Actually, TV archives say Donahue did closer to 7,000 shows, but who's counting.) "I don't remember doing a show on bisexuality, but I'm glad we did it—and I apologize now if we did a hit piece on you, did we?"

Going on the Donahue Show was important for the bi movement at the time; it was when the activists were most vocal. I had the honor of being with the bi elite—Lani Ka'ahumanu from San Francisco, Robyn Ochs from Boston, Eve Diana and her husband John from San Diego—it was very cool for me. I had read and written about those bi activists, and was proud to be included among them. Our experience on Donahue's show was detailed in a book about talk shows called "Freaks Talk Back" where the leading bisexual activists were screamed at by religious right-wing radicals who were obviously planted in the audience by the show. That show, however, connected me with those activists who changed my life; it led me to my bisexual partner who read about me and we've now been together more than a dozen years and are bringing up a family together; and it let to co-writing "The Bisexual's Guide to the Universe," a humorous book about the issue.

Body of War

Body of War is an intimate and transformational feature documentary about the true face of war today. Tomas Young is a 25 year old who was wounded after serving in Iraq for less than a week. During his first mission to Sadr City, he was shot just above his left collarbone while riding with fellow soldiers in an unarmored Humvee with no canvas covering. He was instantly paralyzed.   Paralyzed and unconscious, Tomas was first evacuated to Kuwait, then Germany and finally moved to Walter Reed Army Medical Center near Washington, D.C. for more long-term treatment. Phil Donahue happened to be visiting Walter Reed Hospital and was deeply moved when he met Tomas for the first time. He stayed in contact with Tomas and as they talked about the challenges of creating a new life in a wheelchair, his impeding marriage, and his growing political activism against the war, Phil decided that his story should be told, enlisted the partnership of veteran filmmakers Ellen Spiro and Karen Bernstein, and film editor Bernadine Colish and produced this documentary film about this unfolding journey.

Donahue was happy to get an autographed copy of the book, as was his friend and co-director Ellen Spiro, when we met at the Toronto International Film Festival, and he wanted to know where in the book he was mentioned. Spiro was particularly thrilled with the topic, confessing, "I knew about myself when I came back from 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show' and realized I was in love with all of them, every single character." Hmm, didn't we all? She was also friends with Annie Sprinkle, and told me how Donahue changed her life with a mere phone call.

So, how could I expect that Phil would remember my particular show, even though the experience changed my life?

Well, it seems that Donahue gets that a lot. He has changed a lot of people's lives, and he's oblivious to most of it. And, even though he seems to have been temporarily silenced by not having his on-air incisive shows, he is going to tug on a few heart-strings and bend a few minds with the gripping documentary "Body of War" that he put together with Spiro. The film is making the film festival circuit now and follows a Kansas City 26-year-old who joined the U.S. Army after 9/11 and was shot in the spine and paralyzed. Donahue met Tomas Young through his friend Ralph Nader, and found a family conflicted in their politics and their thoughts on the war. Then, Donahue found aspiring filmmaker Spiro and made the movie.

They've received accolades at the Los Angeles AFI Film Festival and threw a nice party on the roof of the Arclight parking lot in Hollywood. The film won the Audience Award at the Toronto International Film Festival, and it was there that he had a lavish premiere at Pangae Restaurant just before the first public screening of his directorial debut.

Donahue invited me to that dinner with his wife Marlo Thomas, who is still as much "That Girl" as she seemed in the 1960's series, and along with Spiro, Pearl Jam's Eddie Vedder and his son were going to sup with us as well as the subject of his documentary, Tomas Young, and his entire family. It was about 50 people, and just before we were all going to get up and walk a few blocks to the Isabel Bader Theater on the University of Toronto campus, the skies opened up with a torrential downpour.

I told Spiro how that when I first met Marlo Thomas I was tongue-tied, and I told Phil, "Gosh, I'm in love with Marlo, but I'm sure you hear that a lot." Then, without thinking, I added, "Of course, if you're in love with Marlo Thomas, I mean, how GAY is that?" Oops, I meant of course her squeaky clean Anne-Marie character on "That Girl." And Phil reminded me that he was in fact, very much in love with her. Phil laughed about rumors of his sexuality. "There were times that I had the chance, I just wasn't interested in it," Phil said. "I like girls. But, back in 1969 we did some very amazing shows with gay people being very open and we were among the first ones to do something like that. Callers asked the gay men, 'Well, what do you think of Phil?' and I have to say I was concerned at the time that someone thought I may be gay, too. I don't care about that anymore."

Phil doesn't seem to get flustered. He wasn't flustered about the personal question, the unintentional slight on his wife, or the instant downpour in Toronto. Donahue hailed about 15 taxis, held an umbrella out and escorted the whole entourage to the premiere. The Peabody-award-winning journalist was soaked, but by the time they were on stage, Marlo straightened him up, before she took a seat at the very back row of the balcony.

At the dinner, the very cool and low-key Eddie Vedder told me "I was really moved after I met Tomas Young for the first time, and I wanted to do something for him, and for the project." He wrote the music for the film, and the song "No More" got a standing ovation before the screening.

The next day, I was able to spend more quality time with Donahue and Spiro to talk, over lunch, about the film and his career, and like a great talk show host, he often re-directed the questions back at me. We ate at a hotel buffet and he talked to everyone around him, even the woman cutting the roast beef at the end of the buffet line who told him frankly, "I've seen you on TV so many times but I can't remember your name."

Donahue reminded me of another friend I know who went on his show long before I did, Walter Nally, a father who filed the nation's first Clergy Malpractice lawsuit when he blamed Grace Community Church of Sun Valley, Calif. for counseling his son into committing suicide. Nally's Irish nature seemed like a match for Donahue, and Phil called Walter his "long lost uncle" when they met. Donahue did remember that show.

And people will remember this frank look at Tomas Young, who is now in a wheelchair and paralyzed after going to the Iraq war. The film opens with Young putting on his pants, alone. Later in the scene, it shows him putting on a catheter. It's frank and uncensored.

Donahue paid for his "Body of War" out of his own pocket and is now seeking distribution. "We are also making sure that it is eligible for the documentary category for the Oscars, and that's a tricky complicated road." Donahue said, "I don't have any aspirations to direct again, it's a tough road, but it's a very tender and emotional story, and I'm so proud of the family for allowing us to come into their lives and expose them to such a great detail. I think it's important especially during the debate about the war that's going on right now, and it's important for the presidential election coming up. We need to know who voted for what and why."

The documentary shows rather starkly how the Congress voted for the Iraq war, and points out that not only the Republicans, but Democratic candidates Hillary Clinton and John Edwards, all cast "aye" votes. Yet, Donahue says it's not an indictment on any of them.

"No, no, this doesn't mean you shouldn't ever forgive Hillary Clinton, it's not that simple," he explains. "It's that we were given this war by a bunch of guys who are good at advertising, with slogans like 'shock and awe' and they had their talking points all lined up for us. No, the bottom line is simply that the president alone cannot declare a war, and if we obeyed the U.S. Constitution back then, then Tomas Young would be walking today."

Donahue was surprised to find that the Young family had very diverse politics. Young and his mother Cathy are Democrats against the war, and Cathy's husband, Tomas's stepfather, is a rightwing Republican and their stepbrother is also serving in Iraq.

"There's the red and blue side of the whole country right there in their family and they all still love each other, they get along," Spiro said.

Donahue added, "I had to tell the stepfather, who was there at the first screening, that his long interview that I did with him was cut out of the film, but his points are in there. Of course, I'm not in the film either."

Mike Szymanski, Ellen Spiro and Phil Donahue

It was a calculated decision to keep Donahue's familiar face and voice out of the film. Spiro admits, "We wanted him in there, and Phil is used to being in front of the cameras, so we wondered if he could be a fly on the wall."

Donahue says, "It was better without me, and it wasn't easy for me to say that."

It could have helped sell the project, but as Spiro points out, "If selling the movie was foremost in our thoughts we never would have made it." A filmmaker from Austin who was recommended to Donahue for the project, Spiro says she was happy after the first screening to hear the reactions from the audience in Toronto. "There are a lot of laughs, and I looked back and saw that Tomas liked that too, and there were some hard parts to watch, too, especially when you're showing some personal parts of the body."

That's the scene with the catheter, and Donahue says he told Spiro, "Don't sanitize this movie, so we have to see this pain. I wince every time a see that scene with the needle going into his penis."

Spiro adds, "I don't even have one and I wince!"

Tomas himself suggested some of the more personal scenes, and he finds it hard to watch how his engagement and marriage eventually unravel in the film. His girlfriend Brie bravely agrees to marry him after his injury, and she eventually can't handle it anymore and leaves.

"The point is that when someone is injured like this, it affects the whole family," Donahue explains. "That's not something the administration wants you to see."

Spiro adds, "We don't want to let this ever happen again. People have to trust that this won't happen again."

Spiro and Donahue took turns at directing sections of the film. Spiro handled scenes with natural lighting that were more personal times.

The obvious liberal slant on the documentary isn't hidden; even without Donahue's own personal pontifications of the issues. But, Phil insists, "If a president wants a war, people will give it to him. That is the curse of our culture right now, even if it is a massive military blunder."

He's not against all wars, he points out. He is reminded of being arrested in LaGuardia Airport years ago for "going after a LaRouchie" when Marlo was going to accept a peace award.

"With this, I just want to show people the unsanitized parts of the war, and what it really means for the people coming home from it," Donahue says. "I want it to have an impact on people."

An impact, perhaps, as Donahue has had with countless people in lots of different ways that he'll forever remain oblivious to. For me, my first meeting for him included coming out to the world as bisexual, and that closet door was never shut again. In fact, it opened up plenty of doors for me, and for that I'm forever grateful.