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Miskinis was successful in hiding his inner
feelings from his family and friends, but
he was unable to erase the thoughts from
his mind. He managed to never act out on
his attraction to other males.
"But when I laid
down at night, I knew what I really was,"
Miskinis said.
The confusion took a
toll on Miskinis. He responded to the inner
turmoil by "acting out," getting
into frequent fights and causing other trouble.
The despair eventually led to a suicide
attempt.
"Thank God I didn't
get into alcohol and drugs," Miskinis
said. "Thank God I didn't succeed in
taking my own life."
When Miskinis graduated
from high school he went on the pro-rodeo
circuit and later became engaged to a woman
with whom he had a seven-year relationship.
But his attraction to men never faded and
when his relationship ended for "other
reasons," Miskinis decided to experiment.
"I really suppressed
my feelings toward men until I was in my
mid-20s," Miskinis said. "When
I broke up with my finance I decided to
explore that part of my sexuality as far
as being attracted to a man."
About the same time
Miskinis, whose parents had emigrated from
Lithuania to the United States before his
birth, decided to come out to his family
as a bisexual.
"They were kind
of shocked," Miskinis said. "They
really kind of didn't believe it. Their
whole perception of what somebody who would
be bi or something like that was not what
I looked like to them."
His parents continued
to doubt that he was bisexual until they
had met enough of his boyfriends, who generally
are masculine like himself, to be convinced.
"It sort of broke
all their stereotypes," Miskinis said.
"It was very eye opening to them."
When Miskinis began
to realize the complex nature of his sexual
orientation, resources were not available
to help him understand and accept that part
of his life. For today's youth that has
changed somewhat, but bisexual youths continue
to experience a scarcity of resources in
comparison to what is available for gay
and lesbian youths.
Jeff Sapp, a curriculum
specialist with Teaching Tolerance, the
education arm of the Montgomery, Ala.-based
Southern Poverty Law Center, said the nation's
public school systems are still trying to
come to grips with the issues of gay and
lesbian students. Teaching Tolerance publishes
a semi-annual magazine for educators and
provides educational materials for public
schools across the country at no charge.
Bisexuality continues
to be mostly misunderstood and ignored because
"it just isn't that far along yet,"
Sapp said.
Because of the need
for more education on bisexuality, Teaching
Tolerance has published several pieces about
the subject. It has identified several organizations
providing information about bisexuality,
including the Gay, Lesbian and Straight
Education Network, the Safe Schools Coalition
and the Gay Alliance Network.
"Unfortunately,
in all communities - heterosexual or homosexual
- bisexuality is not embraced as another
facet of sexuality," said Sapp, a former
professor of education who taught in Southern
California schools for 25 years before joining
the Montgomery human rights group. "Often
there is prejudice that bisexuals find even
inside the gay and lesbian community, for
instance statements to the effect, "They
just haven't figured out that they are gay
or lesbian yet."
Sapp said the absence
of bisexual characters on television and
in the movies shows how far behind the gay
and lesbian movement that its bisexual counterpart
is. He cited as examples the television
shows "Ellen," "Will and
Grace," "Queer Eye for the Straight
Guy" and "Queer as Folk."
"Often times when
you look at pop culture and television shows
it's a thermometer measuring where we are
at societally in regard to this," Sapp
said. "We have various shows where
it is not uncommon for there to be a gay
or lesbian character. You rarely see a bisexual
character."
As Americans become
more aware of the gay and lesbian community
through the media, they become less fearful
and more accepting of it, Sapp said. Bisexuals
still have a long way to go in catching
up with their "gay brothers and lesbian
sisters," who also still have many
obstacles to overcome in the quest for equality,
he said.
Christopher Meadors,
a Dallas psychotherapist who specializes
in GLBT issues, said the bisexual community
is nearly an invisible group. He said it
is common for bisexuals to be the objects
of discrimination and scorn, even within
the GLBT community, and they often feel
alone and disconnected from the rest of
society.
"There's not much
support," Meadors said. "I think
many individuals who identify as bisexuals
feel isolated that way. They don't really
feel like they belong to either the heterosexual
or the GLBT community and both communities
ostracize them."
The gay and lesbian
community often takes the attitude that
self-described bisexuals just have not made
it out of the closet yet, he said. |
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Meadors said his treatment of bisexuals
has focused on making them feel more comfortable
with who they are. Most of them enter treatment
because of anxiety and depression about
their lives, which he refers to as a "situational
disorder."
"It's a result
of them not accepting who they are and struggling
with that identity," Meadors said.
"I help them work through that confusion
to help them understand their selves and
have a greater appreciation of who they
are."
Meadors said another
problem bisexuals may face in seeking counseling
is that some therapists "absolutely
do not believe in bisexuality" and
refuse to treat them.
"Even in the psychotherapy
community there are those biases,"
Meadors said.
Meadors said that most
therapists would not attempt to change a
person's sexual orientation from bisexual
to either heterosexual or homosexual. He
compared the idea of such treatment to the
attempts of "reparative therapists"
who attempt to switch a person's sexual
orientation from homosexual to heterosexual.
"I've treated some
of the individuals who have gone through
that," Meadors said. "I can't
even begin to describe the damage that has
been done to these individuals. It is truly
horrific. It would do the same thing to
bisexuals."
Meadors said that when
he treats bisexuals he always suggests that
they complement the therapy with a bisexual
support group. Not many bisexual groups
exist, but there are some in most major
cities, he said.
"It's essential
to find support for any treatment,"
Meadors said. "The primary thing I
want to achieve in helping them is to increase
their support network, regardless of what
their sexual orientation is."
Meadors said that as
individuals who feel different develop sufficient
support networks they become more comfortable
with themselves.
"It is going to
decrease other symptoms such as situational
depression or social anxiety because they
have a place where they belong," Meadors
said.
Miskinis said that providing
a safe, supportive place for bisexuals and
all other youths to congregate is the major
goal of his organization. Every Thursday
night the organization hosts a support group
meeting, which currently attracts about
75 youths on a regular basis.
The meeting is broken
down into smaller groups, and separate group
meetings are scheduled for bisexual youths,
as well as for transgender youths to address
the special challenges they face. Groups
are also broken down by age and gender.
Miskinis said the bisexual
group attracts between 10 and 15 youths
regularly who talk about subjects like how
to discuss their sexual orientation with
others.
"A lot of it revolves
around just being accepted, whether it's
about being accepted by friends or accepted
by family members," Miskinis said.
Acceptance is hard to
come by sometimes because of attitudes such
as, "You just can't decide" and
"You're really gay and just trying
to cover up by saying you are bisexual,"
Miskinis said.
"Even in the opinion
of our youth sometimes, bisexuality is looked
at as a greedy thing - that you want the
best of both worlds," Miskinis said.
To the detriment of
the bisexual community, Miskinis said, some
people who are gay or lesbian do come out
gradually, using the bisexual label to "ease
into being gay."
"Unfortunately,
for the true bisexual, that kind of hurts
us because then it gives the perception
that it is a stepping stone rather than
being something legitimate," Miskinis
said.
Miskinis said that because
of those biases he prefers to date bisexual
men rather than gay men because another
bisexual is more likely to understand him.
"You bring up bisexuality
and people look at you like, 'Yeah, right,'"
Miskinis said. "I try to explain to
people it's not that way."
Today, Miskinis is content
with his life. He recently ended a three-year
relationship with a man. He dates both men
and women that he meets through his profession,
his volunteer work and his social life.
He said that he is always up front with
the people he dates about his sexuality.
If a serious relationship develops, he honors
the commitment, no matter whether it is
a man or a woman.
"If you're with
somebody, you're with somebody - period,"
Miskinis said. "I'm exclusive with
them."
Miskinis said that his
acceptance of himself as bisexual has been
difficult, but it has been rewarding. He
said that he feels an obligation to help
youths avoid some of the problems he faced
as a teenager and a young adult. All members
of the GLBT community should share that
commitment he said.
"As adults it's
a huge responsibility on our part,"
Miskinis said. "We have gone through
it, and we need to help the next generation
through. If we don't help these youths out,
who is? I think it is a huge responsibility
for GLBT people to step up and be role models
for these youths so they don't have to go
through what we did."
For more information
about Youth First Texas see:
youthfirsttexas.org
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